Baby its BITTERcold outside!

Hello friends...

If only words could describe my weekend. Leaving at 6 am on thursday to head to D-Town! Good ol' Detroit Michigan for THE Bittercold Showdown XI 2011!!! I guess the only way I can describe it was just wow. I was in awe literally the entire weekend. Rollerblading has seriously made a huge impact on my life. Robbie has opened a door in my life that has just changed things. Getting into Detroit (a place that I have never been) and going into Modern Skate Park in Royal Oak Michigan. Seeing all the pros of rollerblading. The Shaun White or Tony Hawk of pro rollerblading! Haffey! Morales! Shima! Aragon! Broskow! Sizemore! Bah! Farmer! Montre! Jon Jon! I was just fucking star struck! These guys that I watch videos of, or read articles on are right in front of me! I couldn't believe it. Adam was saying "Dude they are just people. Like you and I." And although he is right, these guys are people I look up to. People I truly admire for their talent that mostly goes unnoticed by the people of this world. I just couldn't believe these guys were right in front of me! Not to mention that Robbie's brother made a flight from Miami to come with us. Let me tell you. That is one cool cat. He is polite, funny, and is just an all around great guy to be around. He was my session partner. Him and I skated a lot together. It was fucking awesome. I can't skate with Robbie, or Adam. They do shit I can't do. Where as Thom could skate with me. It was just such a great weekend. Seeing team Valo or Rollerblade or even my personal favorite Razors baby! It was just so fucking surreal! The trade show. Spending money on t-shirts, wheels, bearings, and decals! It was just so fucking awesome. Watching Aragon try a 630 back royale on the A-Frame or Cudot locking a full cab soul grind on the Gnar bar. Just so fucking amazing. Great park. Great people. Great parties. Great atmosphere. So freaking cool.

I was on facebook and saw a girl from back home have a status that talked about telling guys to "fucking show some emotion..." and I was INSTANTLY attracted. She told me to call her when I come home and I am actually going home this weekend most likely so I am interested to see how she is doing and catch up with her. But when I read that status of her saying that she wanted a guy to show her some emotion it just instantly attracted me. It made me realize that I have things that I am looking for. A girl looking for emotion and hopefully show emotion back. I want that. BAD!!!

To the girl who is emotionally struggling. I still hope the best for you. I am still attracted to you but realize now just isn't the time. If your not attracted to me okay. I can cope with that. But I just really want to help you. I wanna be there for you. You obviously are struggling. But when I ask you just say "I'm Ok".....(0_o).......I don't think that is true. And I always thought just screaming and shouting, ranting and venting is just a great way to help. And I will GLADLY be your punching bag. But I DO know what its like not wanting to talk about what your going through. I just wish I could help you. Hang in there. No matter what, you WILL wake up the next morning. Just remember that. I am here.

Ya know its kind of funny because I have quite a few other thoughts going through my head....but....people I know read this blog. But should I say some of these things? I mean that is the point of this blog right? To speak your mind? But if I do I might be an asshole....and I don't want that....honestly....I am trying to become a better person. Nah maybe I'll just keep them to myself....ponder them myself. Maybe tell McFall? Idk maybe. Guess we will just have to see.

Well I thought I was gonna have a great post but this one is not one of my bests...I don't even have a song....FUCK!

Sublime - The Wrong Way

J13

Life After Love

Hello Friends...

I was thinking about some things today. One of the biggest things I was thinkin' about was why do I try and live life to find love? It almost bugs me really. Sometimes there are times where I am so tired of life because I don't have that girl to come home to. To cuddle with. To kiss. Or even just to talk to. And because of that fact I really get down on life. But that isn't what life is all about. There are so many other experiences in life to live but just finding a girl to love means so much to me. And that makes me a little mad at myself. Can anyone possibly tell me why I feel that way? Why do I get so down on life if I don't have that girl to love? What sucks the most is sometimes that ruins some of the things that happen in my life. I think you know who I am talkin' about. Yes you.

I see your posts, I know what is going on in your life. I can tell things are rough in your life. And I hope you know that I am always here to talk. I wish you would talk to me but I understand things are really rough right now. I just wanna make you happy. Make you happy with ways done by me. I want to treat you the way you should be treated. But I just can't. I have to sit back and wait. And that's okay. I just wish sometimes. I just wish sometimes you would come to me so I can help ya out. But I understand things are rough. Hope you get through it and hope your ready for your party. I am gonna try to make it unforgettable for you.

Is it bad to take life one day at a time? Some people might say, no, but sometimes it just doesn't seem right to live that way. Sometimes I feel like people should enjoy life so much that it doesn't seem like day by day but perhaps just one looooong day. Crazy? Yeah hahaha maybe.

Today a good good friend of mine wrote a note on the f'book today about finding out who you truly are. The person you should be. The person you wanna be. A person not affected by other's actions. But rather a person who does what he or she wants because she is free to do so. (Now granted he starts getting into materialism and the government) but I was happy to read that. Because I am kind of in that same spot. I am still trying to figure out who I am. But sometimes I feel like I have to do things so I can please other people. Is that right? Is it bad that I wanna text this girl but don't because I want to give her space and hope that maybe she would text me? I feel like if I texted her I would scare her away because of what I said (because I have done so once...) but what do I do? I feel so shitty just sitting back. I don't wanna sit back. I wanna be there for you. For people. Because thats who I AM.

Is there a hot blonde out there that is a queen in the streets and a freak in the sheets? A girl who loves to have fun and loves me for who I am? A girl that wants to be with me and will show her emotions? Well after this blog.....not anywhere near here no... Is there a girl that can give me that look that just makes me almost light headed? A girl that will be spontaneous and live every experience she can? I can only get on my knees and pray.

Well Lupe said it the best....The show goes on

Bittercold Showdown XI - Thursday - Detroit - So pumped...

Lupe - The Show Goes On

Find me. Come to me. Help me. Please exist.

jay one three

When the curtains are pulled back!

Hello friends...

These past couple days I have learned to live life in a COMPLETELY different way than what I was used to. It's weird. It's like I have to re-discover myself. I feel a little uncomfortable and uneasy but I know that as time passes on it will just fall into place. I encounter different situations that I just don't know how to approach them and how I should take them on. What do I do? Who am I dealing with? What do I say? WHAT?! What am I suppose to be?

To the girl who has had things devastate her life as of recently. I wanna say I know what your going through. I wanna say I have been there. But if I do your gonna think im self centered....oh wait....you already do....you specifically told me why I can't get girls. You told me that I am an asshole, jerk, and self-centered. I have openly said that I like you....a lot. But you call me a "friend". So once again I ask. What do I do? Anything? Nope. Just live my life. Not gonna text you. Won't message you. Just let life happen. Leave you alone. And if you come to me? Well I would be happy. Pretty damn happy. But I will let fate decide what the hell happens. Because sometimes the best thing to do is.......well nothing. Do nothing. Hows that for pressing too hard?

I told McFall what I wanted. It's simple. One thing. Just one little thing. Will I get it? Man I hope so. Cuz I need one.......bad

Today I watched a video. I am not going to tell you what it was of. I am not going to tell you who was in it. But when I watched this video I proved to myself that the statement I made last night is true. No the video wasn't porn. Get your damn mind out of the gutter. But this girl just did one little thing. One little thing that just made my get weak at the knees and fall. Hard. Man. I just want to find that girl who can trigger than same reaction to me in real life. Does anyone else have these feelings? They are the best. When someone does something so small but makes your jaw drop and say FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. Happens to me alot. Unfortunately they don't happen TOWARDS me. But if I can get a girl to just do that once, I'd be a very happy boy.

Fuck this blog is working out well.

So what do I do next? Nothing? Ok.....

Well here I sit!

Bloody Beetroots - Rombo

J13

Look

Hello again friends...

I take that back. I am going to try my hardest to redeem for my last post.

I just have one question. Do guys have this same feeling? This feeling that girls sometimes can do the smallest things that just knock guys on their ass? Sometimes girls just can look at you and it just hits you like a smack in the? Whether a girl looks up at you and smiles, or she puts her hair behind her hair. A girl can look you deep in the eyes and smile and it just makes me lose myself for a minute. Do girls know these looks? Do guys have this happen to them as well? There are just some girls out there that can do a certain thing that just makes your jaw drop. Happens to me.

Preach that

Bob Marley - One Love

Night
J13

Relax

Hello Friends...

I hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day. Everyone says this is a crock of shit kind of holiday but ya know its around and it ain't goin no where! Went to a bistro in Story City with Kim. The food was excellent! Good atmosphere. Kim got me a sick cookbook! The whole date led to me going to class with no backpack but a kick ass cook book. So throughout my two classes I learned how to make various soups, salads, and entrees. Thanks Kim! :-P

On another note Mike "Murda" Johnson retired from professional rollerblading today. I was legitimately depressed. My favorite skater from my favorite team retired. Bummer. I know. I guess no one knows who he is. Look him up on YouTube for some of his edits. You'll be glad you did. I was hoping he would be at the Bitter Cold Showdown here in a couple weeks but I don't think he is going to be there. Which sucks even more. Oh well. It will still be a great time when I head to Royal Oak MI WITH MY FRIENDS WHEN WE GO OUT!!! Im still really sore from yesterdays session. My legs are jello and my elbow is STILL on fire. Gonna have to stretch my legs out. Unfortunately I'm not very good at that but I will manage!!!

I have an interview with Holiday Inn tomorrow which I am really excited about. I love making impressions and BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS!!! Hopefully I can wow the interviewer and hopefully get a great job!

My mom is the greatest. I know I have said that before but I just wanted to re-iterate that! She is still helpin' me out to become the "new" me.

I think I have more to say (actually I have MUCH more to say) but it's prolly better that I just keep some of these thoughts and feelings to myself. (Thanks for the advice Mr. McFall!)

Fuck this blog is awful...(sorry to let you down on the first one Neske!) hahahaha

Don't look your way? Ok. Not hard at all....

Eric Prydz - Call On Me

A wise man once said....."Thanks for having your daily dose with me!"

J13   BITCH!

When is Enough, Enough?

Hello friends....

I wish I knew how to start this. I feel like all of these blogs are just me screaming about something. But is that the point of blogs? It might not be. Im not really sure. I am just sick and tired of being lied to. Disrespected. Brought down. Just torn apart. Why?

Why do I need to be told why I can't get any girls? Why do I need to be called an asshole? A jerk. Be told that I kick girls while their down. Why do I need to be lied to? Why do I need to be cheated on? Why does a girl need to break my heart and have a one night stand with a guy she met that day within the same month? Do I really deserve that? If I do then why should I be here? Why should I be part of this? Why do I need to feel like I treat girls with nothing but disrespect? I just dont see why.

Guess this is just another speed bump. I'll get past it. I am still alive aren't I?

Steph and Elena.....Go fuck yourselves....hahahaha

Breathe Carolina - The Birds and the Bees
J13

Serenity

Hello Friends...

Lately I have been complaining about how I just can't quite figure life. I still kinda think that life is a game and you have been given a hand and you have to play with what your dealt. You can't cheat. You can't lie. You can't "fix" the game. It is just not possible.

Tonight I called my momma. God she is incredible. I love her to death. Today I told her I just messed up. I was stressed about things. Things that were bothering me. I couldn't figure out what was "right". I couldn't find me! I didn't know who I was. Then my mom said something that just made a lot of sense to me yet it was just so simple. She said "why worry? You can't change whats going to happen. Take life as it comes to you. Let the universe do the work. Just sit back and let it come to you." I just love my mom so much. She understands who I am. But she will also give me a slap and tell me to snap out of it. But the best part of our conversation was when she asked me if I have heard the "Serenity prayer." I told her no. So she stopped what she was doing and went to the computer to read it to me. Here is what it is.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

I believe that is just such a strong prayer and it is so right. Now idk what religion my followers are but I just want you to respect mine as I will respect yours. But the craziest thing was when my mom was reading me this, she started crying. She started to cry. She couldn't finish the prayer with dry eyes. This prayer touched her that much. It really hit me. I really hope that this prayer has touched you like it did mean. Just the words are so true. 

Talkin' to my mom really put me on a path that I should be on. I am just gonna live life for me. Let things come to me and especially just be patient. I am very impatient but I just have to work on that. Because it will come. She will come to me. The one will come to me. 

Refreshing eh?  

I hope I can find this new me and be the way I was before...

Hey Kim! Welcome to the Show! ;-) Hope your ready for an awesome date! I am excited for it!

It Ain't Me Babe - Bob Dylan

Night guys
J13 

SlumDOGG

Hello Friends...

I have a question. Do I not get life? Am I missing something? Do I see life as something that isn't real? Or true? Am I truly a bad person when I think I am not? I have heard a lot people say "Jake, you deserve better." Or that I am a nice guy and some girls would be lucky to have me. And for those people who have said ANYTHING relatively similar to that I want to thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you. I think those people know who they are.

But if I deserve better, why haven't I gotten it? Why do I get some of the things I get in this world? Am I suppose to be grateful? Am I suppose to see my life as perfect and always have a smile on my face? (I honestly might be suppose to. I honest to God don't know) Am I selfish prick who thinks to highly for himself? (I honestly might be. I just need someone to tell me!)

I try everyday of my life to look as handsome and look like this is my last day on earth. I try to look appealing to people, especially girls. If I put product in my hair, I don't wear a hat. I won't wear a stocking cap in 10 degree weather. I will always wear jeans. I hate wearing sweatpants in public. I feel sluggish. I feel like a dirtbag. (no offense to people who do wear them in public) I wear cologne. I NEVER go out in public with bed head or hat hair. Ever. Because I believe I look unattractive. I just try really hard to look pleasing.

Am I just crazy? Do I think about things too hard? Do I expect to much? Please. I just want someone to tell me. Is there a truth? Or is it all just opinions? Fuck I really have no idea. Do I look attractive to girls? Do I think too hard? Am I too dramatic? Can I be myself? Can anyone actually handle me being myself?

I just don't know. Is there a truth?

Wow this blog was fucking worthless. I apologize for this garbage of a post...

The Suit - Just Dance

J13

Wonderwall

Hello friends...

Got back from the cocktail party in good ol' St. Paul. Its a great time and a great city filled with great people. Alan is thinking that after I graduate which I must say isn't the worst idea I have had. I dealt with someone nagging about the cold. Nagging about the snow. Believed that Florida was God's gift to this world. But why? That's why they make coats. Hats. Gloves. I can handle it. St. Paul really is a great town. Hopefully somethin' can work out.

But what would this world be if there was no drama! Ha! Well it didn't involve me so I guess that is a little better. But it is between two of my good friends. And I was helping her out. I was trying to help her out with her "situation." But what is so crazy is I am telling her things that I was told myself and I just didn't want to believe them. But here I go just spitting it all back to her. Just thought that was pretty interesting. It felt interesting.

This year's cocktail party had $400+ worth of liquor and almost $70 worth of mixers. Good time. Good people. Good memories.

Hopefully my Valentines Day date is still on. I keep throwing myself off but McFall is keepin' your boy on the ground. He's helpin' me out. And for that once again I am grateful.

Takin' it one day at a time, and always remembering, I'll wake up in the morning.

Have a good night everyone

Wonderwall - Oasis

J13

P.S. - Julianne, you don't need to take comments like being up tight or not smiling enough so personally. Your a beautiful girl with that...I guess spunk is the first word that comes to mind. If your happy, than that's good enough. We all just like seein' you smile!

Waiting for the End

Ok folks. Grab a fucking seat. I am about to fucking lose it.
Im standing outside on my balcony smoking a cig. trying to calm myself down. Wind is blasting. Snow is flying. The temperature is flying below negative and the only problem I am having is that I can't fucking handle it. I can't take this anymore. I am so fucking stressed out. For multiple fucking reasons. Cutting ties with someone after 5 and a half years. I am just a little wound right now and I am the only person to that can really help myself. Yes I have help. Berg. Julianne. McFall. Alan. Mom. Dad. I have them. I do. But right now I am the only one. I have to be strong and help myself. But for fucks sake people there are some things in this fucking world that just ARENT FUCKING HELPING ME!!!! Life is so difficult. Life is a game. And you have to play. You have to play the game with the cards your dealt.

Elena - Messages, emails. Ties cut? Yes? No? What is it. Hospital bills that are over a fucking grand!?!?! Because your drunk friends call the cops on me and you email me 4 or 5 fucking days later telling me you dont know what I'm mad about? Are you fucking kidding? You truly are making my life harder. I am already trying to live a life that I haven't lived since highschool. Sophmore year of high school. I am stressed. I miss you. I can't/don't wanna see what your doing. Who your with. What your doing. You have this blog. You have the privalege to read this whenever you want. I don't have that!

Berg - What can I say? How you and I have been good friends in a short amount of time is crazy. Your a very kind person and awesome to hang out with you and Jordan. The relationship you and Jordan have truly makes me jealous. The way you treat him is awesome. Grabbing his hand. Rubbing his hand. Wanting to see him so badly at times. Really makes a guy jealous. I know how much you care for him and I know how much he cares for you. Crazy. Hope all the best for you and him.

Julianne -  Boo Boo you have been a lot of help. You talk to me when I need someone to talk to. Your always there. It's great. Having a friend like you. I just wish you would show how happy you are sometimes. I don't doubt that your happy at all. I just wish I could feel that more often. You are so much fun to be around and a blast to hang out with. Thanks for everything. (Hope ballroom is turning out well!)

McFall - Man where do I begin? I truly can call you a friend for life. Your personality. Your attitude towards life. Everything about ya is respectable. You have been there since day one. You have helped me when I needed ya and the advice you have given me is so right and so down to earth. Its crazy. I want to live in my fantasy world where I can always be happy and you snap me out of it everytime because you know its not a good thing to live in fantasy. You understand some of the things I am going through and honestly everything you have told me is so true and so right. It's crazy man. I honestly think I would be in much deeper trouble without ya man. You really inspire me to do what I want and do what I love and don't give a fuck about anyone else. Cocktail party in St. Paul is gonna be unreal. Can't wait man.

To the girl I am thinking of right now - You text me and tell me how you have feelings for me. You tell me how badly you wanna kiss me. You tell me that you are avoidant and try and stay away from me so you can "numb" these feelings. Why? Why numb feelings like that? I know how happy I can make ya. You say your on a break with Ty. Are ya? Why play? Why be difficult? If we live in a world where you need to numb feelings, then why are we here? No one should ever have to numb feelings. Ever.

I can't keeping taking nyquil and a sleeping pill to knock me out. Because I am only just gonna dream of Elena. I can't keep watching Mad Men to try and take my mind off of things. I only have class a few hours a day. When I have classes I am happy. I am with my friends. I have things to do. But that doesn't go from dawn till dusk. What can I do?

I knew this was going to come. I am stressed. It really is going through withdrawl from a drug. A drug that I was addicted to for 5+ years. And now I am going through cold turkey. I am stressing. I am pissed. I have a short fuse. What should I do?

I am going to continue to be the guy I think I should be. I am going to the kindest, most genuine guy I can be. Because thats what right. That's how my mom raised me. I am going to treat bitches right...(right McFall?)

I would like to tell what my dad sent me a few days ago, my dad said have a good day and I replied with "Ill try" and this is what he said back: "Don't try. Just do. And smile. Your mother and I love you very much. And want nothing but the best for you. Remember you deserve to be happy." I literally teared up reading that. Think thats cheesy? Think thats retarded? Fuck you! Thats life! That is a father who loves his son with all his heart. I'm not saying you don't have a father who doesn't love you but you would feel the same way if he said that to you.

Please do me a favor. Please listen to the song "Waiting for the End" by Linkin Park. Especially you Elena. Find a video that has the lyrics with it. And watch it. Don't want to? Then fuck off. This really goes for everyone else. Do it. If not? Fuck off. this song is really hitting me hard. Listen to it. You'll be glad you did.

Ok well I will wake up in the morning...

J13







Need this St. Paul trip REAL bad. Work with me weather.