Withdrawl

Hello Friends...

I guess I am the only one now that likes to blog! haha

Had lunch with Mom, Dad, Brant and Lydia. We went to Olde Main. It was very good. Brant and Lydia are doing great planning their wedding. They already have a DJ, recpetion area, wedding area, food, etc. Pretty crazy. I am very excited for that day. It will definitely be a great memory. Unfortunately I don't have a date yet. I don't know how I am gonna find one. I hope I can find one though. I want to find a girl who is gorgeous and so much fun. A girl who doesn't worry about not knowing any of my family, or feeling awkward. Just a girl who is happy to live the experience with me. Have her know that that day means alot to me too seeing as how this is my only sibling. I really hope I can find her. She exist?

I gave mom the ER bills. I can't believe I have her as a mother. Her reaction to the bills just astounded me really. She didn't get mad. She didn't scream or didn't yell. I mean she was too happy but she didn't have a heart attack...Very surprising seeing as how it was over a thousand dollars. I'm a very lucky son. Then to put a cherry on top, her and dad gave me a stuffed teddy bear to cuddle with because they were sorry that I couldn't get Oreo. I almost teared up...(don't judge me) I just thought it was such an awesome thing for them to do. I am definitely a lucky son...

Heard that the weather was gonna get shitty soon which would really really blow because I have been extremely stressed lately about somethings. And one thing I really need is a trip to St. Paul. Cocktail parties are the best. Gettin to dress up. Do some drinking. See some gorgeous women. Have a great time. Take my mind off of things. It's just really what I need. And the fact that McFall is comin' just makes it that much more awesome.

Still feelin' a little depressed unfortunately. Last night I had a really really really bad dream involving Elena and some of her friends and also a girl who I had a pretty big crush on in high school. It really really hit me hard this morning. When you wake up and realize that everything you just went through mentally is all fiction. Just made things that much more stressful. Even when I take my sleeping pill I still dream about her and it does nothing but cause me stress. Think I'm gonna skate Tuesday. Really hope that can help alleviate some of that stress. Knowing I don't talk to her yet she can still read this. Makes it a little harder for me. But I have built some strength. Just gotta use it. Plus it has helped having people like McFall and Julianne to talk to. Especially Julianne cuz that poor girl will sometimes get a text at like 11 at night lol. Past her bedtime!

McFall I need my daily dose more daily!

Story of the Year - Just Close Your Eyes

J13

Hey Elena!

hello friends....

hey elena. remember  when your friends called the cops on me...and i had to go to the emergency room...yeah thats costing me and my family over a grand. you say that your worried about my health. well you and your friends are the fucking reason why i am like this. and i tell you about it and you dont respond... who do you think you are... you say your sorry. you dont have a heart. piss off.

j one three

bitch

My condition?

hello friends...

here i am. back in the student services building. a building i know all to well. why am i here... cuz of my mental condition... the state of my health...

no because someone decided to ruin my life. commit an act of pure selfishness. an act  that can truly kill someone on the inside...

why am i here...cuz some drunk idiots called the cops on me because they were worried about my mental condition. so after figuring out hospital bills here i am to talk about and relive the darkest times of my life...

whats my condition... im pissed as hell and truly hate some people... thats my condition...

im here  to see what condition my condition is in...

cinderella man...eminem

j one three

The passing of a leader, legend, and an overall incredible man...

Hello Friends,

Yesterday a truly tragic situation happened that hit me very hard. Bill Thompson Sr. from Marietta Ohio passed away due to pnmeunia (idk how the fuck to spell it!) Bill was honestly one of the kindest, most sincere men I have ever met. He always had a smile on his face and put everybody's problems in front of his own. He is someone I will never forget. I met Bill when I was in middle school when my family made a trip down to Virginia. Him and his wife Elsa were the kindest people I have ever met. He was a artist behind the piano and had the honor to play sax with him and his son. The big man upstairs is receiving a great man. He will truly be missed.

R.I.P Bill Thompson - Tuesday January 25th 2011


P.S. Well Elena I just wanted to fucking let you know that now I have to meet with a worker for the Dean of Students because the police reported my "health" to them. And if I don't meet with them they send my records to judicial affairs and I get charged for not replying. Thank you very much for everything you and your "friends" have done for me. Right after I had to figure out my medical bills, I have to deal with this fucking shit now. And you fucking wonder why I fucking hate your fucking friends!!!!!!

Great start to a fucking shitty fucking day

Avenged Sevenfold- Nightmare

J13

Watering Hole

Hello Friends...

Life is interesting...different. Isn't it? I would say so...

February 5th....Cocktail party....Shit show in St. Paul...pt deux....featuring MR. McFALL!!! Oh man I can't even begin to describe how pumped I am. Z and I are gonna get did up. Im talkin' suits. Clean cut. Downtown St. Paul? Oh god....so awesome.

Well I'm just laying here in bed and I guess I just felt like blogging. Hmmm

Eric Prydz- Call On Me

13J

Laced

hello friends...

so ofcourse again i had another dream about elena fucking another guy. yup thats right elena. i am still thinking about you. except now you fucked someone you know. sweet right...
is my mind/heart trying to tell me something elena...

wouldnt doubt it. honestly.

well good news. i put new laces on the moraleses. great news. ready to skate

j one three

Refreshed

Hello friends...

How are you? That's good! How am I? Well I'm glad you asked...

I guess I have had a couple thoughts that I would like to speak with you about? Is that ok? I hope that's ok. Is it not ok? No? Ok sorry...


Just fuckin' with ya! HAHAHAHA you just got punk'd!

First thought: Well obviously I have cut ties with Elena. For good. No speaking. No texting. No nothing. All ties cut. In my previous post I thought that I had taken steps back. I went back down the hill. That night I cried a little bit. It was hard. The next day? I was strong. I was level. I was calm, content, focused, and alive. I focused on my life and my work. Not what had happened the previous night. It felt great. It felt relaxing. It felt....refreshed. How does that make you feel Elena? Surprised? Curious? Hurt? How does it make you feel? To realize that I am doing better than what both of us probably thought? Interesting huh? Weird. But you know what is challenging? I always know that you can look at my blog. You can read what I am writing. You can read my thoughts. You can find out how I am doing. Me? Not the same. Idk how you are. Idk what you have been doing. Idk who you have been with. Idk who you have hooked up with. I just don't know. Nothing. At all. But I am strong enough to over come that. Elena, McFall and I were speaking at Element. I told him about the first weekend back from school. Everyone was at Element enjoying FAC. I unfortunately couldn't because I had to work that night. But I knew you were out. I knew you were drinking with guys and girls. And what could I do? Nothing. I had no control. All I could do that night was try and be happy with my friends. But I wasn't. It truly was one of the longest nights of my life. It was horrible. But yet here I am still alive. I am still alive. I beat you, your friends, your torture, and the hell that was caused from August to October. I am still here. Alive, breathing, and still 6 feet above ground. Unfortunately I have to get these bills figured out from the emergency room that you and your friends so conveniently put me in. 'Preciate that...

Second thought: Last night I had a dream. After 2 nyquils and a sleeping pill I STILL have dreams about you Elena. STILL!! You know how annoying that is? You know how annoying it is to still have your own body attacking you with thoughts and dreams about shit you don't wanna think about? This dream? This dream was about you and I arguing. We were arguing and you told me that you had slept with two of my classmates. I am gonna leave them nameless because its not important. But what was important was the way you attacked. You didn't care. You didn't give a damn. You did what you did and went with it. You fucked up. You were happy with what you did. HAHA ik its fucked up.

Third thought: Right now I want to call out two people. Mr. McFall and my Boo Boo Julianne. McFall, first of all I wanna thank you man. For keeping me grounded, level headed, and of course because you like to enjoy a cig after a drink as much as I do. But most importantly your reliable. You are a reliable friend who tells it like it is and is always there for support. You always have my back and for that I truly thank you buddy. Your the man. And then there is my Boo Boo. Julianne in all honesty talking to you over the phone has helped me immensely. Having that kind, whole hearted person that is willing to listen to my thoughts and ideas and give me a reaction and reason for those thoughts. Helps someone like me ALOT! Your kind, funny, and LOVE to have a good time! Ik you do! I can just ask Weems for proof! ;-) But for real. Your help is great Julianne. Thank you very much. Thank you both very much. From the bottom of my heart.

Fourth thought: It's great how many more friends I am hanging out with and keeping in touch with. Of course McFall and Neske but now Brittany Berg, Kim, Haley, Luis, and more of the HRI familia. Man it's always a great time with great people.


________________ ________________, but you can call me Charlie
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^Truly the love of my life^ but you don't know who it is :-)

Be Yourself - Audioslave

<J13>

Crumbled...

Hello Friends...

Time is truly a funny funny thing. I can turn on you quicker than heartbeat. One minute your on top of the world, the next, your in the sewage looking for scraps. Things have startled to crumble for me now. I have to regain back what I had and get my spirits up. Elena is gone. Gone forever. Her love? Friendship? Her? No more. Things with Oreo fell through. His life will never exist because of me. I am now many many steps backward and I have to pick myself up. I have to. I can not stay in the sewage, or I just won't make it. I just won't.

I wanna find that "one." The "one" that fits me. That loves the things I love. I can't wait her. Beautiful. Kind. Fun. God she is great. Unfortunately like momma said "She's not just gonna come knock on your apartment door..."

I was standing up at one point. I was. On my own feet. I didn't need anybody's help. I saw that light. Left the darkness behind me. I kept walking away from it. I kept walking just to realize it was darkness ahead of me. Not light...


Oasis-Champagne Supernova

J13

Dentrimental

Hello friends...

How are you? I hope things are going well...

I have a story. One memory I will remember about this years christmas break was my mom and I talking about the dreamgirl. We were just talking about how I am feeling and what I thought about it and what is new. And she asked a question. "Does she realize how detrimental this to me?" My first thought was....yeah. Yeah she very much does. She really does. She does have a heart. A soul. Yes. But then i did some thinking. Yes she does realize how detrimental this was to me. But.....her friends? Nope.

Thursday evening I was enjoying a wonderful time with Mr. McFall and B Berg and Kim. It truly was a very good time. Then I saw one of the Dreamgirl's friends. One who I don't like very much (if at all.) And that just angered me to the max. I truly could not control myself. I really couldn't. Eventually the Dreamgirl and I started texting until one of her friends got a hold of her phone. I am some incredible deep, dark, demonic things. Because that is how badly I hate her people. Her friends. I want them to suffer for their entire life for making me feel the way I feel.

Now this next part is a confession and something I need to just get out...

Those girls who had Elena's phone called the cops on me. Cops showed up at my apt. and searched for weapons and drugs. They handcuffed me and put me in the back of their police car and took me to the ER. From there I was placed in a room where I had to talk to doctors, therapists and cops, have blood work taken. Take a blood test. Take a drug test. And explain my deep dark feelings towards people. Not fun. And those girls better hope I never see them again.

Terrible post. Not happy with it very much but oh well.

NyQuil and Clonezepam works fine.

"I'm a ticking time bomb. Waiting to blow my top. No one will ever know. Not until I blew up..."

J13

New Years Resolution Revolution Realized

Hello Friends...

How are we? Excellent. My I have so much on my mind and no way of putting it into words.

I am going to start with this. Ready? Ok. So remember how I asked what I should do for my new years revolution? Yeah? Cool. Good to see that were on the same page. Ok well I believe I have come up with a resolution. But not just one resolution. Multiple resolutions. Once again, Zach McFall has given me words of wisdom .He said my resolution needs to involve. Me. Jake. He said that no one else matters. Do things for myself. So you might be asking yourself "Gee golly gosh Jake, what is your resolution!?" Well ladies and gents. Its going to be............

Ready?

Sure?

My resolution is to do things for myself. I have had a couple people tell me, "Jake, you should quit smoking!" Well sorry folks. That may not happen. I love a good cig. I love the experience. I love sitting and thinking. Thinking about life, love, and laughter. People may be thinking "Jake, you shouldn't drink so much!" Why? Because I am on anti-deps? Hmmmm well sorry again folks. Just not gonna happen. I am in COLLEGE! That's what we do. I drink for fun. I drink alot....for fun. I drink to get my mind away from certain things. Panic and anxiety attacks. My conscience. My demon inside me. Wanna know a secret? 2 Nyquils and a sleeping pill, incredible feeling. So much relaxation. Your heart is just simply beating a quiet, calm, peaceful beat. "Gee Jake that doesn't sound good..." Well sorry folks..."Jake you should stop texting/talking to the Dreamgirl." Why? It's not bringing me down. It is not hurting me. I want to talk to her. So why can't I? Why? You can't tell me I can't. You just can't. If I wanna talk to her, I'm going to. If this turns out to hurt me, then I will take full responsibility. I don't need your help. I have doctors and pills for that. But right now, I don't think she is going to hurt me. I am going to talk to her.......for myself. "Jake I don't know if you should get a cat!" Why? I want to take on the task for being responsible for my own pet. I want to challenge myself but I also want to try and give this cat the best life I can. "Well Jake what if you get an internship somewhere far? What if you can't afford him?" Well my one and only objective is to try and give this cat the BEST life I can. If I can't? Then I have to give him away. But you better fucking believe, I am going to try EVERYTHING in my own fucking power to give this cat the best life I can give it.

Ladies and gentlemen tonight I had a moment where my jaw literally dropped. You may or may not know that I have been watching a new show. Dexter. Very deep, dark, yet humorous show. If you have not watched it, I suggest giving it a shot. If your bored just give it a shot. (Even better when you watch it after popping 2 nyquils and a sleeping pill...) But I am not going to go deep into the plot of the entire show but I just finished season 2 on Netflix and just had to find out what happened in seasons 3 4 and 5. Especially season 4 because I have heard that it was one of the greatest season finales in TV history. So I decided to go to Wikipedia and read the plots for the seasons. As I read season 4's plot, I literally sat in awwww. I couldn't believe the ending. So what did I do? I went to YouTube and watched it. And I can honestly say, I have teared up for very few things on TV but after following this show, this scene truly hit me. It truly got to me. Truly amazing how much that ending messed with me. Something I will never forget. Truly one of the greatest endings to a season in TV history. Easily one of the best I have ever seen...

Tonight I can't stop listening to the song Forever by Chris Brown. The beat? Sick. Vocals? Moving. Why am I telling you this? Idk cuz I feel like it? Dreamgirl you remind me of this song? Ringtone? Yeah at one point, but its about dancing. Your passion? Dancing. Definitely respectable. You know what I am picturing? A club. Lights flashing, shits glowing. And there we are. Dancing. Having fun. Loving and living life. Another dream? Yup. Gonna happen? Nope prolly not.

List:
1. See a dance to The Wind by Cat Stevens
2. Dance alone to Forever
3. ???

Reality? No. Dream? Yes



Oreo I hope your ready buddy. Daddy is comin to get you real soon!

McFall, your the man.

Once again in the words of the Man

Daily Dose- with a side of Oreo

Forever
J13