Thursday, December 30, 2010

Hopeless Romantic

Hello Friends...

Before you read this post, I really want you to do something. Either pull up YouTube or iTunes and listen to the song Never Let Me Down by Kanye West. Please do it. I want you to listen to that song while you read this. The last rap on that song is the best rap I have ever heard and will be till the day I die. His voice. His words. His expressions. I believe are so strong that it really should touch you. And if it doesn't, listen to it again. Trust me...It will.... The rap starts around 2:48 in the song. Just listen to it. Please.

Am I one? I might be. I fall quickly. I fall for people very quickly. And when I fall, I fall quickly. I can't explain it. I believe that I am suppose to be with someone. And I believe that there is someone out there for me. One who fits me. Who fits my personality. My sense of humor. My outgoingness. She is friendly. Kind. Beautiful. Willing. Spontaneous. Open. She is perfect. And if and when I meet her, I am going to fall so hard, so fast. I can only hope that that happens very very soon. Maybe it's already happened? Maybe.

I have a few dreams. A dream of a girl treating me like a king. Me coming home and there she is waiting for me. Lingerie. Naked. Fully clothed. Doesn't matter. I have a preference. But it doesn't matter. Because I know that she will be there waiting for me. She is waiting. Excited to see me. So excited to see me walk in that door that she drops everything to spend time with me. I want her to do things for me. Meaningful things. Things that mean so much to me. Without me even asking. I am such an emotional person. And one thing I would love the most is to share my emotions with. I want to things for her that just make her fall. Make her weak. Make her want me even more. I want to do that for her. Smell good. Look good. Do things for her. Can I do that? I personally think, no I can't. I am not the most attractive guy in the world. But I sure as hell try. And I can only hope she feels and knows that I have tried everything I can for her.

A few posts ago, I was talking about seeing the Dreamgirl dance to the song The Wind by Cat Stevens. I want a girl who can do that. Who is willing to do that. Because it means something to me. It would mean alot to me.

Someone has told me that I need to live in reality. But why? Why can't I live in fantasy? The fantasies, dreams, thoughts, and hopes make me so happy. I don't wanna live in reality. I can't handle reality. I am not strong enough.

Do I need to get out of fantasy and live in reality? Is it reality that someone for me doesn't exist? Is it reality that I can't have Dreamgirl dance for me and me only? Maybe. Probably. Well then I'm going back to fantasy.

"If I'm on the highest cliff of the highest riff and you slipped of the side and clinched on to your life into my grip. I would never. Ever. Let you down."

Hope I touched you.


Monday, December 27, 2010

Power of Music

Andrew WK - Party Hard

Chick singer from Skillet



Marshall Law, Hworang



P.S. Thanks Creampuff!!!!


Hello friends...

I have concluded something. I really am not a good person. I am just not. It's ok though. Really. I can accept it. How you ask? Well I really don't know. But I can. I think terrible things. I have done terrible things. I have had terrible things done upon me.

Wait. I have Creampuff to talk to.


Marshall Law and Mike Portnoy....AWESOME!!!


New Years Resolution Revolution!

 Hello Friends....

I am going to make this short and sweet...

What do you think I should do for a New Years Resolution? Please. I have 5 followers. I expect atleast 5 comments telling me what you think I should do for a resolution. I also know that other people who aren't "following" my blog read this so please, get some sort of account and please leave a comment. PLEASE! Dreamgirl? Please!? DO IT!!!





Thursday, December 23, 2010

Blast from the past (v.2)

Hello friends....

I guess I am gonna start my story this way. I forgot to bring my 2nd bottle of anti deps home and unfortunately I am not sure whether or not I have enough to last me the entire break so I have to work with what I have and have been taking just a pill (100 mg.) when I'm suppose to be taking 150 mg. Lately my mood swings have been getting worse lately because I haven't been taking my perscribed doses. So tonight I was just in my basement. Hanging out. I started to have an anxiety attack. I couldn't focus and I was panicking. It was really hard. Well I texted the Dreamgirl to see if I could get some help. Welp. She went out. Which doesn't help me at all. She wasn't helping me. Wasn't responding. Just telling me. I don't have to panic. For some reason I told her that I couldn't do it anymore. And all she said was she doesn't know what to say. To me that feels like she isn't going to fight to keep me. So what do I do? Well that wasn't helping. So I texted another girl to try and get some help. Well she was helping me a little bit but she was in bed so in the long run she just wasn't much help.

So I texted one of my buddies and he was with some friends at the Irish Democrat just hanging out with some people. So I went over there to just get my mind off of things.

While I was there I saw a guy that I literally have known all my life. This guy was one of my best friends growing up. But he was a cool kid. He left to be part of the cool clique. Well anyways I saw him tonight and him and I started talking. He has been dating a girl that I have known since high school for about 5 and a half years. Both of them are going to Mt. Mercy. They have a house together. But this guy loves to drink, party, smoke, all that sorts of shit. He goes out. She doesn't. But no matter what he does or where he goes, she is always there when he gets home. It's incredible. This girl puts up with alot of shit and sticks with him no matter what. Thats what I want. A girl that will be there when I get home. A girl that wants to come out with me and go home with me. It really was surprising. This party guy has a pretty, kind, woman to go home to every night. He is a VERY VERY lucky man. It was good seeing him again. He was a great friend of mine when I was a kid.

Am I going to wake up alone tomorrow? Is she done with me? I guess who knows. I'm sure I'll be the one to text her tomorrow. (That's been the pattern)

Well bout time to pop a sleeping pill and pass out.

Ladies, be good to your boys. Boys, be good to your girls.

Night everybody.


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

why me?

hello friends...
i have one question to ask....why me?

why everytime i go out everyone is like ok have fun but when the dreamgirl goes out i have panic attacks. why do i need to pop nyquil and a sleeping pill. why. am i not attrative. what is it. why must i be the one that suffers. why can the girl that i truely love be fine when i go out but when she goes out i freak out.

ok fine. i get it. im fat. unattractive. fine i get. ok



Sunday, December 19, 2010

Our Truth pt. 2

Hello Friends....

Well I just got done with a cig and I have "some thoughts"

1. All you girls who are BEAUTIFUL that have a personality of a FUCKING NAIL IN A BOARD I only have one thing to say.......FUCK YOU!!!!

2. I have THE BEST FRIENDS ever. I was looking at old pics of mine that just make me miss EVERYTHING about my past. A girl who truly loved me (before she cheated) and the best get togethers EVER! I will debate ANYONE! BRING IT!




Saturday, December 18, 2010

Our Truth

Hello Friends...

Well hasn't shit been eventful lately!? Man! Thursday night!? Wow. The Ripperger and the Cream Puff truly showing how to REALLY drink wine!!!! Preach to you both!!! You both ladies can hold your liquor!! I am very impressed. Both of you honestly. But Jenn! Gotta give props to Jenn cuz she has her hookups! Kelly!!!!! WORD!!!!

But I have to say something. This post is gonna be selfish. Ok I get it. I am cocky. I have a selfish personality. I get it. I understand. I believe that I have this "swagger" that I believe makes me! That's who I am! I believe that I am a VERY good guy. If you need a drink, a favor, or even a place to sleep, I am the one to give it to you!!!! I believe that I would be willing to do anything for anyone!!! Whether your a CHEATER or a LIAR! Maybe someone that doesnt have a place to crash! I believe that I am one of the kindest as far as something like that. I will scratch your back. Make sure you can get home safe. I would give you food. I will drive you. I don't care because I believe that I am the kind of guy who expects that in return!!!! Ok so I am cocky. Ok so I think I am a great guy. I believe I have great intentions. But I realize that I am not the most attractive guy. I realize that I don't look that great with a shirt off. I realize that I may be overweight. But you know what!? This semester I at one point thought about committing suicide. Something happened in my life that made me wanna take my own life! Things were so low that I literally wanted to kill myself. People in my life literally made me want to kill myself. But you know what!? I stuck through it! I lived through it! I made it!!!! I am still here! ALIVE!!! I thought "FUCK NO!!!" I made it through!!! And for that I wanna give myself a pat on the back!!!! (Ok sorry Cream Puff I am being cocky right now.) I understand that I am cocky. Go ahead. Attack me for it! Go ahead! But you know what? I believe I am a great guy! I believe that I am strong and am willing to take ANYONE on!!!!! I may lose but you know what!? I have that PASSION!!!! I do!!! If you knock me down I GET BACK UP!!!!!!! I am patting myself on the back for getting through this semester after everything that has happened to me!!! I MADE IT!! I AM STILL ALIVE!!!! I made it! This semester is over!!! I fought my demons!!! I fought my conscience!!! I WON!!! I am still alive!!! I am still 6 feet above ground!!! God put so many distractions and things that tested my heart and soul and I STILL MADE IT ALIVE!!!! You know how in my last post I gave away some awards? Well I have an award. Strongest person. ME!!!!!!!! Thats right ladies and gentlemen!!! I had cunts, liars, bitches, fags, and real fuckheads around me. AND I AM STILL STANDING!!!

Sorry to everyone who deserves to be in hell!!!! I AM STILL HERE!!! I SURVIVED!!!! I AM STILL STANDING!!!!

And that is EVERYONE's TRUTH!!!!



Sunday, December 12, 2010

End of the Semester Awards...

Hello Friends!
Wow been a very long time, but oh do I have a special treats for you ladies and gents. I am going to present this years 2010 Ends of the Semester Awards of the Year OF THE SEMESTER!!! I know, sit back down, take a deep breath, and lets start...

Best Quote...
Definitely going with "Life is what you make it!" I work with a gentlemen who told me that quote after I told him my situation. He was right. Life IS what you make it. It is SO simple! That was definitely a turning point in my life...

Best Music...
+44 and Blink 182 DEFINITELY could win this because I can spend countless number of hours looking up awesome videos on YouTube but this award is gonna go to the man, Armin van Buuren. I have found that Armin works wonders ladies and gentlemen. That wonder you ask? Trance. Look it up n00bs!!!

Best Moment...
This one is a no brainer. Visiting the Edward Jones Dome to not only watch the Rams kick ass against the Carolina Panthers and see one of my heros in Sam Bradford but seeing Steven Jackson and Big Mike Hoomanawanui. (Yes ladies and gents...that is a real name; pronounced UH OH MANA WANEWEE...Bad ass? I know right!?) but also getting to witness the retirement of Issac Bruce's jersey. That whole experience will definitely be something I will remember and cherish for the rest of my life.

Worst Moment...
This one has to go to when I found out that I got cheated and lied to. Not a fun thing to have your heart broken in that fashion. To the people who have cheated, shame on you. To the people who have been cheated on, I'm sorry. You WILL get through it.

Best Decision...
I could say going to see a counselor and starting up Anti-Deps was my best decision. And it was. It was a great idea. Until I decided to visit Notre Dame on a Thursday. Wow. Just wow. Trance. Drinking. And more drinking. Lots of drunken fun. Very fun place to visit. Club Fever? Incredible! In the words of a very wise man named Zach McFall said, "Spontaneity can be a good thing!" And in this case, it was the BEST thing!

Worst Decision...
 Has to be getting football tickets. The first game, I had a very depressing, hard, heart breaking experience that will forever tarnish ISU football and from that point on I went to a few games and stayed home for the rest. Bad idea, even worse memory.

MVF (Most Valuable Friend(s))...
Many many many candidates. Including my family, and Robbie. But this has to go to Zach and Neske. My boys! Without them there would be much less laughter and fun.

Most Entertaining Moment...
Once again this could go to the Rams game, or the trip to ND, and even trips to Cafe B with the HRI Familia! But I am gonna give this to the "Shit Show in St. Paul." Man, good friends, even better memories. Like $146 bar tab in less than an hour. Walking around downtown and oh yeah..."Damn that's a great dog!" Very very VERY entertaining weekend!

There you have it ladies and gents. Those are my awards. I hope you have enjoyed it and I encourage all you guys to give away these same awards cuz they are SO much fun to read!

I'm Out....take 'um to church!


P.S. In case you read this Julianne, this weekend I have realized that whipped cream from a can is very very great. But did you know that they make alcohol infused whipped cream? Amazing! HIGHLY recommend it!!!