Saturday, January 22, 2011


Hello friends...

How are you? That's good! How am I? Well I'm glad you asked...

I guess I have had a couple thoughts that I would like to speak with you about? Is that ok? I hope that's ok. Is it not ok? No? Ok sorry...

Just fuckin' with ya! HAHAHAHA you just got punk'd!

First thought: Well obviously I have cut ties with Elena. For good. No speaking. No texting. No nothing. All ties cut. In my previous post I thought that I had taken steps back. I went back down the hill. That night I cried a little bit. It was hard. The next day? I was strong. I was level. I was calm, content, focused, and alive. I focused on my life and my work. Not what had happened the previous night. It felt great. It felt relaxing. It felt....refreshed. How does that make you feel Elena? Surprised? Curious? Hurt? How does it make you feel? To realize that I am doing better than what both of us probably thought? Interesting huh? Weird. But you know what is challenging? I always know that you can look at my blog. You can read what I am writing. You can read my thoughts. You can find out how I am doing. Me? Not the same. Idk how you are. Idk what you have been doing. Idk who you have been with. Idk who you have hooked up with. I just don't know. Nothing. At all. But I am strong enough to over come that. Elena, McFall and I were speaking at Element. I told him about the first weekend back from school. Everyone was at Element enjoying FAC. I unfortunately couldn't because I had to work that night. But I knew you were out. I knew you were drinking with guys and girls. And what could I do? Nothing. I had no control. All I could do that night was try and be happy with my friends. But I wasn't. It truly was one of the longest nights of my life. It was horrible. But yet here I am still alive. I am still alive. I beat you, your friends, your torture, and the hell that was caused from August to October. I am still here. Alive, breathing, and still 6 feet above ground. Unfortunately I have to get these bills figured out from the emergency room that you and your friends so conveniently put me in. 'Preciate that...

Second thought: Last night I had a dream. After 2 nyquils and a sleeping pill I STILL have dreams about you Elena. STILL!! You know how annoying that is? You know how annoying it is to still have your own body attacking you with thoughts and dreams about shit you don't wanna think about? This dream? This dream was about you and I arguing. We were arguing and you told me that you had slept with two of my classmates. I am gonna leave them nameless because its not important. But what was important was the way you attacked. You didn't care. You didn't give a damn. You did what you did and went with it. You fucked up. You were happy with what you did. HAHA ik its fucked up.

Third thought: Right now I want to call out two people. Mr. McFall and my Boo Boo Julianne. McFall, first of all I wanna thank you man. For keeping me grounded, level headed, and of course because you like to enjoy a cig after a drink as much as I do. But most importantly your reliable. You are a reliable friend who tells it like it is and is always there for support. You always have my back and for that I truly thank you buddy. Your the man. And then there is my Boo Boo. Julianne in all honesty talking to you over the phone has helped me immensely. Having that kind, whole hearted person that is willing to listen to my thoughts and ideas and give me a reaction and reason for those thoughts. Helps someone like me ALOT! Your kind, funny, and LOVE to have a good time! Ik you do! I can just ask Weems for proof! ;-) But for real. Your help is great Julianne. Thank you very much. Thank you both very much. From the bottom of my heart.

Fourth thought: It's great how many more friends I am hanging out with and keeping in touch with. Of course McFall and Neske but now Brittany Berg, Kim, Haley, Luis, and more of the HRI familia. Man it's always a great time with great people.

________________ ________________, but you can call me Charlie
^Truly the love of my life^ but you don't know who it is :-)

Be Yourself - Audioslave


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