Exileration

Last night, I went out with some great friends and great people. Had a great time. Lived life. Did what I wanna do. Saw who I wanted to see. Be with who I wanted to be. I was with some great great people and I realize that I am a very lucky guy for what I have. Recently due to these past couple months, I have reconnected with a dear friend of mine. Him and I were the greatest of friends and we kinda grew apart. But things have changed and him and I are back again. It feels good. I also am hanging out with more people and that too feels good. Last night was great. Great people. Great atmosphere. Best of all, great memories.

Today I decided to come home to see a good friend who goes to school at Notre Dame. It's damn good to see him. Me and a couple friends went down to IC. Saw ALOT of people from my high school which was nice. But there was just something about it, I just didn't really care to be there much longer. I honestly can't explain why I didn't wanna be there but I just didn't. I was drinking and just was not feeling it. So I decided that I would call my dad and have him drive to IC to come get me. Love my dad. Has anyone ever had something in life just feel tarnished? It makes you think about memories or just gives you that sense of depression, uncomfortableness, just tarnished? IC feels that way to me everytime I go there. And honestly I know exactly why...

Got home and walked into my room that I grew up in for 18 years. It was just so surreal to be back in this room. Just so much history and memories. Took me back. But when I layed down in bed I checked my email. And for some reason I just had this feeling, that there was gonna be an email that just was just not gonna be good. I just felt like im gonna read something that is gonna put me in a funk. And would you believe it? There was a message. A message. From her... I have been doing soo well, not talking to her. Moving on. Trying my best. But she sent me a message. That message said that she saw me at Element last night and she said that when she saw me she sprinted out of Element. She said that it was so incredibly hard to see me. She said that she didn't think it would be that hard to see me. She said she was outside of Element. Shaking. What do I say? Do I write her back? What do I do? I kinda wish she didn't send me that message. I still to this day miss her. I miss her quite a bit. I miss having that someone. That someone who loves me. That person who cares about me. That girl to experience life with. That EXILERATION of having that girl. The EXILERATION of living life and creating those great memories with that girl you love. I want a girl. I want that girl. I want that love. I want it.

Man I miss her....

(sigh)
J13