Tarnished

Wow crazy crazy night with the HRI crew last night. Starting to really enjoy that group. Cafe B to Sips to rip of that dance floor? Fuck yeah! McFall is the man and Neske is the shiznit! Oh and the ladies of HRI are great as well. Nice people. Lookin to have a good time. Gotta love that. I have visited the long island twice now and both times.....I lost those battles.

Came home today. Were heading to St. Louis tomorrow. Can't even begin to explain how excited I am for this weekend. I am going to experience something that means very very much to me. I could give a flying fuck about Ames, homecoming, the football game, halloween etc. What I am going to do this weekend trumps just about everything...

The drive home was relaxing. (boring but relaxing). As I was driving I was listening to my favorite Widespread Panic CD. Its a great album with some great tracks. But driving and listening to WP made me thing of somethings. Things about my past. My recent past. Driving by my old house on Hayward. Makes me miss last year. I enjoyed last year. Alot. Then it made me realize. I am a kind of person that cherishes memories. Great memories. I dwell on them. I think about them. But these memories are tarnished now unfortunately. There is a track on the WP album that reminds me of her. Because when I heard that song, I had my heart broken. Not a good memory. It was hard. As I was thinking there were alot of things today that made me think of tarnished memories. Today I wore my Sam Bradford jersey. That jersey means alot to me. (If you know me you'll know why.) This jersey is a very prized possession to me. That jersey was part of a very important event in my life. An event that dealt with her. A very special, life changing event. And now to me this jersey has a tarnished memory to it. And it makes me upset because this jersey means so much to me. Today while I was driving home I sort of have a makeshift arm rest for myself. Its actually a bed frame that is layed out throughout my car. A bed frame that I purchased for her. Because she told me she couldn't live with me. So I went out and bought a bed frame cuz she wanted to. This bed frame makes me think of a memory. A memory that hurts me. Alot

You know what hurts? Everything that has involved her just makes me angry, sad, depressed, hurt and whole lot of other shitty emotions. If I see her, it instantly ruins my day. If I talk to her I just get angry. I have to erase her from my life. I hate it. She meant so much to me. I loved her so much. And she broke my heart. Our relationship is now tarnished.

This blog post blows...

I am just not in the writing mood. I was earlier. Shoulda blogged earlier.

Fuck
J13